Fear

Music has always been something deeply important to me. I often feel a strong connection to it, and through that use it as a way of expressing myself. I’ve also loved singing since I was small. Tonight I went to see Sarah McLachlan in concert. I’ve loved her music for as long as I can remember. It’s been my constant companion through my highs and lows, my deepest struggles and mightiest accomplishments. To say it was an amazing experience would be an understatement. Something about her music touches my soul like no other, in almost a spiritual way. I found myself in tears though different moments in the evening, as topics were touched on that are near and dear to my heart. There were only two songs I didn’t know well that she played this evening, and funnily enough they both contained the messages the struck the strongest chord with me.

The first was “I won’t fear love”. I think this is something we all can relate to, at least all of those who have experienced any sort of heartbreak. When this happens, a person is generally a mess. I know I am. And it’s human tendency to avoid the things that hurt us. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me sort of thing. Especially when it comes to love, a person does become fearful after we’ve lost it. You expose your soul to another person, let them see all of the dark places you keep hidden from the rest of the world. And then to have that cruelly snatched away. It’s enough to make anyone fearful.  But we mustn’t let fear prevent us from loving again. Love is beautiful and joyful, the best feeling in the world. We need it to survive and thrive. So you would be doing a disservice to yourself by preventing these feelings from happening. Sure you might end up getting hurt. And it may very well be horrible. But the romantic in me truly does  believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and we must keep trying (and potentially failing) until we find that person. Because when we do, it will all be worth it in the end.

The second phrase which really stuck with me was “I fear I have nothing to give”. Again, with the fear! It really can be our biggest downfall as people, to give into the fear. I know when I’ve been feeling down, and at some of my lowest points, this was a huge fear of mine. During that time I described myself as feeling like the shadow of my former self. I isolated myself for this exact reason: the fear of having nothing to give to the people around me. I couldn’t keep light and positive energy inside of myself, let alone extend that to other people. And who would want to be around me in that state? Relationships regardless of the kind are a give and take. But the brilliant thing I’ve come to realize is, we always have something to give, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Even if it’s something as small as just your presence, you always have something of value to share with others.